Things Happened but to Turn Back.....

Dear alls,

I just don't know what to jot down in this entry. Well, using my left hand and 2 fingers of my right hand, a bit hard i guess for me, yelah for someone used to type using both hands and her 10 fingers. Secretaries knows la how it feels.

Things going just fine for me, I guess. Work wise, i'm still have to go to work eventhough I've 7 days medical leave which my boss don't bother at all. Lots of meeting to attend especially with the Ministries. Proposals keep on coming, projected cash flow pon sama jugak tu tak termasuk drafting agreement for minor projects and preparing documents for audit purposes. Teramat la multi-purpose la aku nih, baper bulan la boss aku nak kasik bonus tahun nih??

Family? Cam biasa. Still searching for my car key since Encik Larmyzee dah sorokkan. pagi tadi gi kerja naik bas. nak tak nak terpaksa la jugak aku pakai sling bandage tu, nak ngelak orang langgar...bosan. Encik Larmyzee plak sibuk memanjang, nak spend time togedegeder pon payah. EG pon dah lama aku tak pi jenguk...tengok la tunggu birthday Mak Cik Ani aka mak aku 1hb nanti, aku balik kejap la kot sebab dah plan ngan adik-adik nak buat kenduri doa selamat untuk mak and tahlil untuk arwah ayah, abang long and abang ngah. Ish..besonya rasa beban kat bahu aku nih..sejak arwah angah takde..semua ats kepala aku. Mujur ler Encik Larmyzee memahami situasi keluarga aku. Sayang you B.

Dua tiga menjak nih, I'm trying to get use having do everything alone. Tengok wayang, shopping, karaoke even main bowling pon. Hidup macam dalam denial ye gak...hahahhah!!! bengong la aku. I'm hypocritically admit that i'm not missing my friends even the real fact is I am missing them, like hell (in a good way la kan). Missing those crazy things we've done together, screamed to each other, well good old days. Can these memories will continue with new memories? What will be my answer? YES but not now.

My sister in Senawang said I'm stupid as in Terengganu's dialect (usually aku cakap Ganu ngan family) "bengong la mung, memang dok ghok cetong, mende kecik pon mung nok ambek ati, biasa arr bodo!! adak kawang arr tu??!!". Bila tanya kat mak aku plak, dia kata "mung memang base gitu doh, dari kecik pah beso, bukang buleh oghang buak kawang, osoh beng la, dok soghang dalam utang doh". So meaning, memang aku takleh ada kawan la kot...hahhahahah!!! bukan aku kata mak aku kata.

Ntah ngapa hati aku keras beno kali nie sebab aku rasa things did happened and it's not the time to turn back from what I've decided to do. Fikiran kata macam tu tapi hati lain. Tapi macam aku cakap la, things happened. Called me names, I don't mind; selfish, arrogant, ego, bajet bagus, mengada-ngada and the list can continue for hundreds of pages, really...help yourself. I really don't mind. I know I've make mistakes that people can't forgive, I accepted it and will not blamed others for the damages I've done. I'm living my life and I'm trying to getting use of who i am before. Importantly, I'm not blaming others, everything happened because of me..just me. I admit masa mula2 dulu memang ada mengadu domba katanya, as in luahkan perasaan, tapi tak tahu la kot disalahertikan oleh pihak-pihak yang lain. hati tengah panas, biasalah. But when i've come to my senses, it's really tak perlu. Sepatutnya aku simpan untuk diri aku sendiri coz pusing2 bende tu dikalangan aku jugak. My bad and I'm sorry for the mistakes.

A friend once said, it's better lose 1 good friend rather than losing 10 good friends. That's very true. Well said. In my case, I'm dropping everyone off coz i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore, people that I called FRIENDS. I'm well aware about myself, coz I've never have close friends before. Adapting to a clan so called friends worries me a lot at first. But as the times goes by, i've kinda get use to it until things happened. I think I better off alone, again.

Panjang umur, murah rezeki, inshaallah bertemu kembali.

See 'ya!!